Tell the prosecuting attorney that you will confess all your crimes over your life, with the contingency that the trial be held on television called "Trials of Satan" and the only punishment will be a "Physical Torture Cube".
If you're innocent, wait until you're on TV and say, "I have not committed any crimes in my life." Speeding could be the crime you confess. Include all crimes going back to childhood. Exonerated or Incarcerated? Or entirely Innocent?
I did this on 9/12/16 at the Florida State Attorney's office.
Start a trend. Please forward around.